Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in justtrytostopme's LiveJournal:

Sunday, August 7th, 2005
10:22 am	..I'm moving in.. 11 days.. 11.. I've got a spa and all.. and I'm not even excited. It's like woo, I could have had a draftsman cadetship already, woo I could have been TOTALLY cool in the call-centre already.. I could be earning money already to buy my sore and sorry-for-myself ass a car that'll probablky die the next month after I buy it anyway. I mean shit.. I dont know anyone but Andy - who is so mental I'm sure I'm going to bore the ass out of his pants- and Helen, whom seems to have gotten bored shitless already. I'm just the country bum whos going to get a lip piercing on Thursday. I'm the nerd who decks out in black too often for the small towns' gossip to notice anymore. Today I totally reek of loser. And, on top of all that. I have a surprise visitor coming down the day I move.. its not a surprise for me, but for my love, ***A****, and I only get to spend between 2-6pm with them both, because I have to stay back.. TO WASH THE FUCKING CURTAINS. What sort of porkchop washes curtains that you aren't going to use anymore? God I can hear myself being so bitter.. ok.. lighten up time.. Oh, heres a perk. I've started smoking.. woo.. more money guzzling inantimate objects. I doubt I'll keep the habit, I remember when I used to think it was the most disgusting thing to do on this earth. Funnily enough, I still do think that -quizzes her mental stability- I'de love to say that my loving mother stressed me out so much that it was my last resort, but excuses for smoking aren't that 'emo'. I don't know what made me try, and I don't know why my hick-town bestie doesn't seem to mind. -shrug- Anyway, the next few days to weeks are going to be hetically off the hook, so probably no posting- not that I have been that often anyway.. heh. I wish myself luck in keeping my sanity, my savings, and my squishy stress ball (I unno, wanted another 's' word).. this fight Mum and I are headlocked in is going to explode soon. I can just feel it. I wish I could say I don't care, and she can shove her opinions up her ass, but I'm not that bitter.. well, at least not towards my mother. Then again, maybe I am, and I'm looking at this all wrong- which wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. Perhaps I need to be a little more stubborn with what I really believe in.. She'll never believe me. In her eyes I'm still 8 years old- needing over-looking with everystep. It irks me beyond belief. Beh- I'm rambling. Ciao. Current Mood: uncomfortable Current Music: hanson- mmbop (yeah right :P) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 26th, 2005
2:25 pm	Quizzy wizzy THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: 1. Tiffy 2. Tiffybum 3. Pandora THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD: 1. Justtrytostopme 2. Believeinfaeriz 3. Nope THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: 1. Hair 2. Ankles 3. Ears THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: 1. Nails 2. Teeth 3. Boobs (of lack there of) THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE: 1. Australian..? 2. 3. THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: 1. Ghosts 2. My Mum 3. Losing a close friend THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: 1. Mobile phone 2. Coffee or other caffienated substance 3. Internet -geek- THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW: 1. Black top 2. Grey trackpants 3. Ugg boots THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS: 1. The Calling 2. The White Stripes 3. MC Hammer (Oh Yeah!!) THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP: 1. ***A**** (My fiance) 2. Honesty 3. Fun TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: 1. My Mum really pisses me off 2. Purple is fing awesome 3. I hate nailpolish THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU: 1. Height (***A**** is 6'8'') 2. Nails 3. Piercings/tattoo THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: 1. Internet -geek- 2. Drawing -geek- 3. Reading -geek- THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW: 1. Kiss ***A**** 2. Go shopping ^.^ 3. Get warm its so cold here.. all the frikin time THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED: 1. Manager 2. Mother 3. Mareting (MMM) THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION: 1. ***A****'s place 2. Greece 3. Sydney THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE: 1. Jasmine 2. Damien 3. Jade THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: 1. Get married 2. Grow my nails (DAMMIT!) 3. Have kids THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY: 1. I couldn't be bothered to shave 2. Burping the alphabet amuses me 3. I adore cars I want a Ford F250 THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK: 1. I like to do my hair and makeup 2. I dance around my room singing into my hairbrush 3. I say things like "love you longer than time" THREE CELEB CRUSHES: 1. Orlando Bloom <3 2. Johnny Depp <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 3. Will Smith <3 THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW: 1. You.. :P 2. The person behind you :) 3. The person in your head :D :P mmhmm.. ciao! Current Mood: Accomplished Current Music: MC Hammer- Can't touch this (2 Comments |Comment on this)
12:12 pm	Just way to happy for words. O M G !!!!!!!!! I proposed and he said yes and we are engaged and I Love Him so so so much it's almost unbearable.. but I can handle it ;) -sighs- He's so beautiful and he makes me so so so happy and I just couldn't allow myself to lose such a wonderful man. I Love You ***A****. Yeah, my fast went kinda out the window because I was so so so happy, and heh, I can justify it for just this once. I'm back to it now and I'm not going to feel guilty because he makes me so happy, and it made him happy to see me eating anyway. But- back to fasting. -Nods- I'm doing all the stuff I have to do to move to Toowoomba, and its pretty exciting. :) I'm really looking foreward to our new house and the SPA!! OMG!! And the opportunity to have a job and a gym membership lol :) Well, now I've finished blabbing about my happiness.. I think I'll go cuz otherwise I might start to feel normal :P :P x x x Every little thing you do is wonderful. <3 Current Mood: H.a.p.p.y? (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
8:58 am	-sings off tune- I ammmmmmz teh tiiiired. Just dropping a line to say I'm still alive =P.. and to anyone who reads this: How do I post in the communities? I've friended them, and been added back or whatever, but there is no post button.. -feels n00bishly stupid.- The fast is going strong, and working a charm.. it is becoming increasingly difficult to give reasons not to eat.. my Mother seems to have cottoned on to my "I've already had dinner at so-and-so's place" tact.. hmm, she wont accept that I've turned vegetarian or vegan.. and I really just want to slap her every time I HAVE to go for dinner. Not eating where I am now is sooo easy.. I have so much to do to keep me occupied.. especially working from 7 till 3. But, there is sooo much tempttion when I get home.. I just go for a run or sift through my mountains of quotes and find the ones I like and write them down. I love my quotes. :) I have a fave at the moment "It's fun, doing the impossible." By Walt Disney -grin- ***A**** Is being fantastic, he has told me to move to Toowoomba, and we will save for our house there, and so all *seems* well. I am going to his house this friday, and I will be spoiled I know.. lol. He brought black sheets! Annnnnnd red wine -eyes twinkles devilishily- I'm hoping to get red candles too.. Oh I love mood settings! :):):) Annnywaaay.. enough of my fetishes! :P I am fucking sick of the way everyone thinks it their right to tell me that I'm looking thin and all that shit! It's MY FUCKING BODY so BACK OFF dammit.My BEST FRIEND (hmm.. maybe not!) told me that I'm looking anorexic.. FUCK OFF!!! Have you seeeeeen my thighs???? And my friends around me are all like "you're disappearing" FUCK YOU! It's MY body, just because I HAVE WILLPOWER doesn't mean you have to say shit like that to me!!! Heh, I feel better now thats off my chest. -sighs- Have a good day all. Current Mood: bloated Current Music: Mozart (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
10:54 pm	Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired Work and not eating is really starting to wear me out, more coffee is consumed than probably legal, everyone say it with me.. "caffeine addiction!" Everyone has left me for the time being, the besty has left to go shopping, funny how she couldn't afford credit to call me!! -pouts- I'll call her later. And the couple I board with are in Sydney for her operation -worries- and my beautiful darling baby boyfriend is away, just cuz he lives in another town and neither of us have transport at the moment. -should walk to 35 ks- lol, and my other best friend has left for Perth (across the f***ing country) :( I feel so alone right about now. -needs more streamers for pity party here- I have a uber big decision to make by this weekend. -deadline set by myself- I have a fantastic opportunity.. to go one place or another. And it's either going to break my heart or his. -sighs- Lemme explain... I have the opportunity to go to Toowoomba, or to go to Penrith. One is all planned, and I don't really have any problems to face, BUT!!! I will be away from my Love. The other I am with my Love, but I will have to struggle.. and thats not fun with a uni degree to finish (AND PAY FOR) and whilst saving for a car. I just.. God,I know everyone will be like.. "if it's meant to be, it will be," BUT! I lost him once, and don't evvver want to lose him again... -sighs- he is my angel of happiness. If I go to Penrith with him, I will have him there every morning, and every night, but if I go to Toowoomba, then I will see hardly any of him but I will have time to save for a car and the basics to move to Penrith.. -sighs- WHADDA I MEANT TO DOOOOOOO? -furrows her brow- I Love You ****, with all my heart, mind and soul. My mind is all like "This type of opportunity doesn't pop up twice" for the both of the decisions. -yawns- Sleep beckons. x x x Stay stong everyone -Glass roses for all- (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 4th, 2005
5:36 pm	Today. So todays cal intake? Water.. and black tea.. so what ever cals tea has, thats what I had today. -sighs- I feel light headed, and happy, but... I dunno.. somethings not right, mothers' being a cow, and looking more and more like one everyday. I worked my ass off today, my boss put me out hoe-ing roses so, I got to see the roses and get a free 8 hours of exercise.. HANG ON!! NOT FREE!!! I GOT PAID LOL. -forget she got paid for the work she does- lol. Geezus, I enjoyed it so much I forgot I get paid -slaps her forehead-. Anyway, as I said, something just isn't rightly. -sighs- My boyfriend is LOVELY, I want to marry hiiiim. -stupid 'in-love' grin- I hoping to day a 23 day fast, apparently thats only a medium one, but I'm thinking my body needs a clense, less than just a meal a day, less than 300 cals. :) -day one- Current Mood: Rockin out Current Music: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE ROCKS!!! (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
8:19 pm	This interested me. I was looking through sites as a distraction from eating... I stumbled across... Anorexia is an eating disorder in which a person intentionally starves or restricts food intake, despite feeling hungry, in an attempt to attain or maintain a body weight which is below normal. The persons may see themselves as "fat" despite being severely underweight and emaciated. Anorexia usually begins as a diet to lose a few pounds, although the person may already be thin. A person with anorexia may see no problem with their behavior. Dieting becomes obsessive and the person may even develop elaborate food rituals such as cutting food into tiny pieces or weighing food before eating it. Anorexia basically tricks the mind and becomes more controlling as time passes. Children who show signs of other "perfectionist" behavior are most prone to the disorder. Purging behavior may also be present with symptoms of Anorexia Nervosa, when a person spends days, weeks or even longer starving, then finally binge eats. The person may feel guilty for having eaten and feel compelled to purge. Feelings of guilt may be present even before the person eats and may be unrelated to food. Anorexic behavior often coincides with other forms of self-injury, including punching, hair pulling, cutting, etc. Many anorectics use purging methods as a form of "punishment" for allowing themselves the "pleasure" of food. Anorectics tend to have a very low opinion of themselves and have feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness. Individuals with anorexia also demonstrate a very distorted body image. Anorexic behavior may also be a means for anorectics to "starve away bad feelings". Starvation or purging what little food the anorectic may allow themselves usually increases following an unpleasant or disappointing event. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
11:54 am	Why life SUX I'm at 54kgs today. Thats not so bad.. but.. ergh.. my body is just so hideous. The rolls of fat on my stomache make me feel bile in the back of my throat. My thighs wobble and my arms do too. It makes me so sick. I've got an exercise routine that I'm planning on starting this Monday (Tomorrow)even though I have to start work at fcuking 8:30. I'M GOING OUT WITH ***A****!!! THe most amazing person in the world. I love him beyond anything in this world. He makes me so happy, it's like, the world didn't have light while we were apart. He came to my place the other day and he spoilt me rotten. I HAD CHOCOLATE!! >=Z I felt so sick. I Love You, always and forever. More later, I guess. -feels fat and ugly- x x x Current Mood: F.A.T. Current Music: Jack off Jill (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 19th, 2005
7:16 pm	I'm like.. interesting So people are beginning to ask 'who am i' well.. to cut a long story short.. I'm jsut lurking here to find myself again, use this journal as an outreach to others, and to sort out my head.. because it has alot of sorting out requirements! If I've friended you it's only because you seem different, and I like that! I'm 55.5kgs today.. GREATNESSS...I feel better that I've lost 3 kgs in a week. And I'm exercising more and more lately. -sighs- give me streamers for the self pity party I'm holding here. At least I'm losing weight.. I'm not starving myself, I'm perfecting my emptiness. Ciao. Current Mood: FAT (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
4:33 am	58kgs I'm sick of being so god damned FAT. I didnt eat at all today, and this is the first day of non-eating. I feel elated, and light, and ready to keep on doing this. I bought myself a present today. I'm glad that I bought it, and I'm feeling ok, in the grand scheme of things. http://www.bluedragonfly.org/images/audrey/ah12.jpg Ahh, don't you wish? I know I do. Current Mood: listless Current Music: My Chemical Romance-Till the End (7 Comments |Comment on this)